Born to a gypsy mother and a diabetic father named Keith, life was not easy for Heavypickles in the beginning. After the closing of the local vuvuzela factory, he decided it was time to leave his primitive village in search of brighter lights and harder courts.
A chance encounter in 2015 with a man they call Shaky at a Winnipeg Robins Donuts set his path in the direction of high stakes craps. After that went terribly and Heavypickles was residing in a Sea Can villa, he was befriended by a man who called himself Biscuits although his given legal name was Giuseppe Ciabatta but Heavypickles called him Floyd Alabaster Jr.
Biscuits proffered that the road to the top was to master the ways of the ancient activity, recently revived, known as Parkour. Biscuits wore only turquoise pants and cooked with poblano peppers. Things soured between Heavypickles and Biscuits when their restaurant, Donair Force One, began to face culinary competition and decreased profits from food delivery apps.
Knowing he had not yet found his true passion, Heavypickles ventured on, ultimately finding one of his great loves by happenstance when an Uber mistakenly took him to the landfill, and then, some tennis courts. He saw a woman hitting beautiful volleys at the net with a 12 oz wooden paddle. He later learned her name was Joanne and the game she was playing was pickleball.
Joanne taught Heavypickles many things, but most importantly, that to succeed in pickleball, he needed to learn the art of hitting supersonic rocket speedups at the male junk region or as she called it "the hibachi." Heavypickles continues to work at mastering this craft to this day and although he has had some success with pickle podiums and continually has to douse himself with bear mace to keep small droves of fans at bay, the journey is just beginning. Joanne had no part in Heavypickles becoming an employment lawyer and would have preferred he become an expert in teaching Reiki healing.
Heavypickles subsists on a diet of only tacos and soy milk. He has a constant musk of arugula and sandalwood. When not playing pickleball, you may find Heavypickles playing with his bands, Kayak Hijack and Pre-Frontal Goretex or playing with his children.
-Paul Clemens, 2022
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